Really this is somewhere between Mary Berry and Delia's custard with a few variations... though to be honest there are very few variations on a custard theme; but it’s my best custard recipe. It not too thick or thin, it rarely develops a grainy texture or splits on you, it’s not too rich or too sweet or too eggy... it’s just really really nice custard (and really quite good vanilla ice cream as well if frozen)...

( Recipe Below Cut )

Troubleshooting:

Custard starts to look grainy - you custard is about to, or is, splitting - pour into a cold glass or earthenware bowl and whist till starts to come back together... another way is to keep a sink of cold / ice water ready and place the pan in this and whisk till it recombines. If you are scared about this keep a bowl in the fridge ready for remedial action.

My custard always split - your heat is probably too high, never allow custard to come near simmering and certainly never let it come to a boil! Use your middle size ring, and keep it under half heat. Once it’s thick take it off the heat, do not cook your custard for too long. You could also opt to cook it in a bain marie arrangement to distribute the heat better or use cook it in the bowl over boiling water (a double boiler).

There appears to be lumps in this custard - your eggs have probably scrambled in the hot cream mix because too much hot liquid touched them &/or there was not enough agitation as you poured the hot liquid in... If they are small lumps you can push it through a sieve and get away with it. If they are big lumps then you need to add the hot liquid slowly and keep it moving! - Some people find it easier to do in stages rather than in one go. Take a ladle and whilst whisking the eggs all the time slowly pour a ladle full of hot cream mix into the eggs - repeat three times, then add the rest of the cream mix and return to the pan. This is also called 'tempering' your eggs.

This custard recipe is too thick / too thin - Too thick? Less egg yolks or cornflour will help here, you can thin it out with milk too. Too thin? Add some more egg yolks, or use fresher eggs. If you fear eggy custard then up the cornflour. I know some people use flour, but it can make your custard taste floury and the gluten thickness is not for me. Also before you judge consistency let your custard cool; it will thicken up on cooling.

There is a skin on my custard/There is no skin on my custard - Milk protein in contact with air forms a skin... you want a lot of skin then pour into a shallow dish and leave to stand. No skin required? Then when in the serving vessel cover with Clingfilm and make sure the cling film touches the surface of the custard.

They are (I presume as I have yet to meet one) very tasty bran filled, agave nectar sweetened, prune based, no fat, no egg, no salt, no sugar cookies... but,quite frankly, if you are going to strip that much soul from a cookie recipe then I am sure that there are far nicer things to eat for with far less calories than a "healthy" cookie.

This said, there is no reason that you can't have a healthier 'everyday' cookie - for when you've room in your diet for a treat... but no room say for excess fat, refined sugar, shop preservatives, white flour and the assorted unwritten evils that apparetly lurk inside your average Hob Nob.

Thus I present the reasonably guilt-less Peanut, Oat and Raisin Cookie: crisp on outside, soft and chewy in the middle with a good nutty flavour and yummy sticky raisin goodness. They are surprisingly filling for a cookie - that is because you get a good whack of fiber from the oats and wholemeal flour, they are also not that sweet.

I am not a fan of sweet biscuits - but I appreciate the average person is going to want about 1/4 more sugar than given in this recipe. I personally would add a tbs or two of honey for that extra sweetness and use a medium instead of a large egg. You could of course stick with this amount of sugar and use chocolate chips instead of raisins for the sweet kick, or dipping the cookie dough balls in sugar/sucranat/splenda prior to baking ... its up to you... if thats how your cookie crumbles, that is how it crumbles.

( Recipe Below )

PS: If you think 175cal per bikkie is a bit much - look at how much a Hob Nob or Maryland Cookie has (and they are much smaller than these biscuits) and bare in mind that a home made peanut butter cookie has 385cal per biscuit on average!

Given that food blogs that I see appear to be 80% American and 15% European/UK/Australian 5%Indian/Chinese/Japanese (WARNING: no science was used in the generation of these figures, they are not even an informed guess) I spend more time than I like googling conversions and making strange logical chains to fit lbs,pints and tsps.

This is okay for somethings I feel, everyone converts during baking, or when faced with a new recipe or a new cuisine. But for me this is a much more frequent occurrence than it should be. For example not five minutes ago I was making peas and rice. Now, I have watched my Grandmother, Aunt and Mother make peas and rice for 30yrs. I have made peas and rice, I have written a recipe for peas and rice. But sure as anything I stood there with a cup measure in my hand desperately trying to remember the ratio of rice to water & coconut milk.

3:1? No - erm isn't that dhal? Or is that general pulses...
1:1.5 - Maybe, possibly risotto????
2:1, is that right - or is that just for sticky rice??????

Of course by that point I am toasting the rice and peas in oil and coming dangerously close to burning my dinner through procrastination.

Now I have been cooking seriously for 10yrs so I really feel that I should not have to look it up again. Its getting a bit embarrassing really, I am sure I am too young to blame dementia, have too many degrees to blame idiocy and quite frankly its looking a bit like laziness... or maybe an outside chance of some kind of very specific brain damage.

So its time to write them down and learn them I feel.... or be forever surreptitiously chasing burnt bits of rice out of my pots.

I shall update this everyday as I cook and get a truly useful list going. Because if I just write down everything I think is useful I will invariably end up with a lot of crap over specific measurements in there. Day by Day, just the basics. Starting with the most basic - rice. This should also have the upside that I will re-read the list everyday and there by actually LEARN IT.

The Most useful Ratios, Measurements and Conversions to remember...

Rice & Pluses
Steaming rice (Basmati, sushi varieties or jasmine) 2 liquid to 1 rice.
Dried Beans 1volume of dried beans = 3 volumes of cooked beans
Soaking beans for every volume of beans add 5 volumes of water

Meat
Slow pot roast (Lamb or Pork, shoulder/leg up to 5kg) aprox 30-35mins/lb/450g + 30mins - Gas 3-4, 160-180 degrees celcius

Baking
Icing Sugar / Confectioners Sugar / All purpose flour /  Plain flour 1cup = 110 -140g of flour depending

Inspired by recipes that I have seen around on Just Hungry and The Hungry Tiger - these are my little takes on the lentil snack theme. But rather than using purposed cooked lentils they use leftover rice and dhal (something I always seem to have hanging around the fridge). They have two advantages over other indian snacks I crave, wait no - make that three: 1) they are quite healthy (no deep frying, little oil and about 65cal a piece) 2) they taste as good hot as they are cold & 3) they are very quick to make if you have everything on hand. They go very well with yoghurt or chilli based dipping sauces and freeze fairly well. If you want to reheat them pop them back in the oven for 5-10 mins, that way they stay crisp ...I would love to tell you how well they keep, but they have yet to last more than a day or two round here...



( Recipe under link... )

I was not really hungry for dinner, but nor did I want something cold, a sandwich or a salad... had I had the time I would have made Bara, but its a long process with yeast and fussing. Casting around the very bare kitchen the Chickpea flour (Bessan) looked at me reproachfully along with a few wilting ends of herbs and veg ...and Pakora's were made...

( Recipe beneath link )

I am not even sure what kind of sleeping position this is... any ideas?

EDIT: I did not do this to my Cat, she chose to sleep on me in this manner - I am stopping her sliding off me!

Today Mr Andy came good on his promises! We went to the aptly named Farplace Sanctuary (its in the depths of Weardale) and I pretty much fell in love with every cat there, but Dolcie (oh how she will be renamed) was actually climbing out onto me to come home.

This is her profile from their page

I have never had a Cat settle so fast. She's been home 2hrs and its like she has always lived here... look at this cuteness!

But we definitely need a better name...

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST/GROUP, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can’t use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It’s a lot harder than you think! Repost as “my life according to (band name)”

Pick your Artist:
REM

Are you a male or female:
She just wants to be

Describe yourself:
I Believe

How do you feel:
Half a World Away

Describe where you currently live:
The Great Beyond

If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
All the Way to Reno

Your favorite form of transportation:
High Speed Train

Your best friend is:
Crush with Eyeliner

You and your best friends are:
Shiney Happy People

What’s the weather like:
I'll take the Rain

Favorite time of day:
Gardening at Night

If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Its the end of the world as we know it (and I feel fine)

What is life to you:
Me in Honey

Your last relationship:
Electrolite

Mr Andy is in Canterbury at a Conference.

I have been alone now for 36 hrs...pottering... and I have found out the following:

Outside

1. Our doors knock - in a strange psycho killer at the door way.
2. These knocks are not wind based. It has rained since Gaby left, but no wind... nor are they due to our odd tree...
3. There is an unusually high number of very fat squirrels in our garden. (The obesity of said Sciurudae appears to be correlated with the number of retired ladies in the vicinity.)
4. These squirrels fear no neighbourhood cat.
5. The neighbourhood cats fancy their chances regardless.
6. The sound of a kamikaze-like burst of speed that launches a very fat squirrel up a glass patio door and flips onto the wooden fence sounds amazingly like a psycho killer knocking at the door.

--> I saw this twice, its bloody cool watching the underside of a squirrel kung-fu-ing its ass up a totally smooth surface.

Inside

a. I talk to myself, frequently, in the third person - and mostly to disagree with myself - this is exacerbated by reading reddit for 2 or more hours.
b. I can play Civ4 for 12 hours straight and it seems to be a viable substitute for food, company, reality, sunlight...
c. It takes 3hrs to hand wind 1500m of lace silk.
c(i). Winding as mile of silk lace yarn really puts you off knitting with it.
d. My body wants to go to bed at 4am and get up sometime after lunch.
e. Everyone in the world with a phone wants me to be awake before lunch - preferably at 7.30am. This is particularly galling seeing as no one calls till I am at home alone and having only been asleep for 3hrs.)
f. I drink Tea with Bourbon.... I thought this was because other people made me tea whilst I was intent on drinking Bourbon; Pavlov has a lot to answer for. (Please note the tea is not in the same glass as the Bourbon)
g. My bed is huge...and insidiously sticks Sting/Police lyrics in my head.

The blurb does not fill me with joy. I fear that they seek the players of the MMORPG, the elusive holy grail of the new blood, and those who liked the previous incarnations can f**k themselves... or more likely they know we will buy it anyway (bitches that we are).

There is never any good in special comabt dice.

http://www.fantasyflightgames.com/edge_news.asp?eidn=729

I hope I am wrong.

My house is some kind of heaven for lost boxes, books appear to have magically appeared and disappeared, nothing I packed is in the box its labeled as being in, i have no matching underwear anywhere and I have seen the inside of every DIY and Furniture store in County Durham - twice.

Also I have no Internet connection STILL... it has got to the point where we are taking names and kicking asses, to no avail - it appears freedom to surf (oh how the name grates!) have armoured buttage.

GITS.


I hate this... still I am off to London soon joy! So I shall leave it all behind for the stresed husband to endure.

If you see this and realise that you do not have my new address as I have failed to include you in the giant email runs, kick me and I will send it to you.

This said it is 'once more unto the breech' with me.

Created to assuage a sudden craving for hot and sweet and very very fragrant food. Its somewhere between China and Thailand in inspiration - but mostly was formed as another excuse to cook with fruit. A good hot wok will give you a smokey, caramelised browned edge to the pineapple which is addictive. This said the pineapple in here could be easily replaced with apples or just ripe mango (needs to be fairly firm or will disintegrate into mush) and the broad beans by any green bean or vegetable.

Ingredients
2 Pork Loin Chops
large handful of Spring Onions, fine chopped
large handful of Coriander, roughly chopped
140g Pineapple, chopped into large chunks and well dried
100g+ Broad Beans, boiled for 3mins and double podded
minced Ginger (to taste)
sliced Garlic (to taste)
1/2tsp Dried Chilli
1tsp Sugar
2tbs Rice Wine
2tbs Soy Sauce
salt & pepper
1tbs Groundnut Oil

For the Marinade
1-2" Ginger
1-4 Red Chillies
1 Shalott
4 Cloves Garlic
1tbs Soy
1tbs Rice Wine

Method:
1. In between 2 double layers of cling film pound the pork chops till they are 1cm in height. Slice in to 1cm strips.
2. Combine all the ingredients for the marinade in a blender and blend to a coarse paste using a drop of water or oil to lubricate the blender if needed.
Marinade the Pork for a minimum of 1/2 hour.
3. Heat a wok to smoking and add the oil and when shimmering stir fry the pork and marinade till well browned. Add the pineapple, garlic and ginger and stir fry till starting to brown - season with dried chili, sugar, salt and pepper to taste.
4. Add the broad beans, rice wine and soy and fry for another min.
5. Add in Spring Onions and Coriander and fry till wilted.

Serve immediately with rice and side vegetable dish.

Tonkatsu always struck me as being a little too western. Plain fried meat, Brown-Worcestershire style sauce - just about everything I don't like in English cooking.

Miso on the other hand is something that I can't believe I lived half my life without. Indeed Miso is some kind of gem of the Far East as far as I am concerned. So on hearing of Miso Katsu regardless of my reservations I decided to give it a try... and I think this recipe is a more true fusion of east-west than the original version.



Miso Katsu is a speciality of the Nagoya region in Japan, which is known for its red Miso based dishes. Having never been to Nagoya I cannot claim that this is even close to what they eat in there - but I can say that it tastes really quite good! I served it here with the omnipresent shredded cabbage mixed with cucumber and spring onion to give it a bit of pep and of course rice and Miso soup (included as a bonus recipe below).

( Miso Katsu & Sweetcorn and Courgette Miso Soup recipes )

Inquisitor moomin_puffin providing the amunition:

1. What do you love for breakfast?
I don't. I am not the hugest fan of eating before 11am. Now if you were to say Brunch then I am more than happy to eat anything that is passed under my nose. But for preference? Eggs Benedict, French toast with cream and fruit, anything to do with sausages or Eggs... and Kedgeree.

2. Which item, that you knitted yourself, are you most proud of?


3. Do you dance around the room when there is no one else there?
Frequently, if possible wielding a prop of any kind and mostly like Carlton off the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

4. Do you get motion sickness?
Yes - but mostly off FPS games, or any game that has you from the character view in first or third person. Boats of a small nature vex me and cars with doggy suspension.... I have also been known to fall sick from spinning myself around and around on my office chair.

5. What do you like about Durham?
The Cathedral and Bailey. Almost nothing else appeals, indeed the North of England and me just don't get on, at all. I miss Devon and the South...a lot, Its been that long that I even miss London now. Its like living in the 1970's up here, almost as if there is some kind of weird time dilation effect somewhere north of the Watford gap.

Should you wish your own personal inquisitor please just ask below!

I can't be doing with real cooking at the moment. These are less recipes and more exercises in mixing and heating till cooked. They were cooked mostly because I was very, very, lazy when it came to making dinner tonight. This said due to the fact that they can be BBQ'd or cooked easily under the grill they are also perfect for people soaking in the supposed heat-wave now hitting the South of the UK. (I, however, am experiencing no such heat wave. It's been cloudy, muggy and generally grim up North. But the TV stations are all in or around London, so what do they care what its like 100's of miles away?)

Anyway- grumbling aside. Its healthy, low fuss, good food with no long exposure to furnace like cookers. Enjoy :)

Lamb Kebabs
300cal approximately per 1/8 large patty.

1kg Lamb mince, (lean for those on diets)
1 medium Red Onion, minced
4 large Garlic cloves, minced
2 medium Red Chillies, finely chopped
1 medium bunch of Fresh Coriander, chopped fine
1 tbs Cumin
salt
pepper
1 egg beaten
2 tbs oil
2 tbs of lime juice

1. Mix all together and form into 8 large or 12 small paties.

2. Grill on a med-high grill for 8-10mins each side.

3. Cut in half & serve with pitas, salad and dressing below.

Cucumber and Yoghurt Dressing
30cal aprox for 1/16th of the recipe

250g Greek Yoghurt
1 large cucumber, chopped
1tsp cumin
Pepper
1tbs Extra Virgin Olive oil

Beat the oil into the yoghurt and mix in the rest of the ingredients.

Yes I could buy a simple mini top hat fascinator for £20 or so.
But I wanted it in colours to match my dress *frantically googles* cheapest price = £50.
I also wanted it to be a bit special (but not OTT) *more frantic googling* cheapest price = £100.

Bugger that for a game of monkeys thought I... and with some trepidation I embarked on turning my crafty mitts to fascinator making.

The first thing I found out was that there are NO decent tutorials for free on the net.
Millinery skills are taught in workshops only, and not cheaply either, and most certainly not in Durham.

I began to suspect some kind of Millinery conspiracy... either they did not want people doing it for themselves.... or....

It is so embarrassingly easy you don't need a tutorial (as long as you don't want to actually MAKE the hat yourself).

One trip to http://www.millinerwarehouse.co.uk/ (the most confusing site and family of sites - but with the greatest choice... see also http://www.mwandmore.com)

& another to ebay (since hat making is mindbogglingly complicated) http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/mini-top-hat-fascinator

and Bob is your uncle!

Not bad eh?
















Total price £31

What I had to buy: Solvent Free UHU (£2), Mini Top Hat (£8), Feathers (£15), Crystals (£6) - the ribbon I had laying around, I also owned the mini pliers used to fashion the crystal stems and good scissors for trimming and the like.

So not the completely cheaper option BUT considering that I got the entertainment of making it myself and that I have enough left over bits to make quite a few more things then certainly not the silly option either.

Vegetable boxes sometimes leave you with an odd assortment of seasonal vegetables. There is the 'traditional wisdom' that things that are in season together will always taste good together and this recipe mostly relies on that. Substitute whatever you like into the summer vegetable category.... just make sure that you have something with bulk (in this case the broad beans, but courgettes or peppers could do as well), a leaf (here its the last of the spring spinach, it could be broad bean tops, baby gem lettuce or a mix of big leaves you have to hand) and something with a hint of sweetness (here its sweet corn, but it could equally be new peas) to balance the salty hot Chorizo.

( Chorizo with Summer Vegetables )

You are probably thinking what I thought when I first read that title. That must taste fantastic, shame it's probably my whole day's worth of calories. Then I was told that the fish only absorbs about 2tbs (if that, depends on species and freshness of fish)of the oil... plus its Olive Oil and that is hardly the worst fat source in the world.

This dish was one Andy ate in Iceland on our honeymoon - though his was done with a white fish and was served in its poaching oil, from the heat of his dish I think they may have put it in low oven for 20mins or so to cook as opposed to doing it on a stove top like I have here. It seems to work well with any firm white fish or fish with a good fat content to it like Salmon.

Its best served with spinach, watercress and cucumber salad or any fresh clean accompaniment like salsas (verde or regular), if you are not of a mind to count calories a home-made rich tartar sauce or potato salad would be lovely.

( Recipe underneath link )

Type in the following and choose from the first description found (or the first one that makes sense). Tag some folks if you like...

1: Type in "[your first name] needs" in the Google search:
Now all Tamora needs to do is write one called Dalmatian!

2: Type in "[your first name] looks like" in Google search:
Can someone please show me what a Tamora looks like with SP12 wheels

3: Type in "[your first name] hates" in Google search:
Tamora hates Titus and his sons even before her own son Alarbus is brutally killed as a sacrifice to the dead Andronici.

4: Type in "[your first name] goes" in Google search:
Tamora goes up in flames...front-left..

5: Type in "[your first name] loves" in Google search:
At least twice a week, Tamora loves to go to her nearby park and feed the animals, she says she's a 'Crazy Park Lady'!

6: Type in "[your first name] eats" in Google search:
As Tamora eats her sons, it only makes sense that her punishment is not to starve but to be eaten, her body made piecemeal by scavenging birds

7: Type in "[your first name] has" in Google search
Tamora has been a complete success for TVR, in terms of creating a car that has power, but can also take on corners without fear of the rear-end
or my personal favourite:
'Tamora' looks beautiful planted in hedges and large masses.

8: Type in "[your first name] works" in Google search:
Tamora works everything out and stands up for Titus, as if he did not just do a Mel Gibson on her...

9: Type in"[your first name] lives" in Google search:
Tamora lives with her husband Tim and their three cats as well as other animals they rescue from parks

10: Type in "[your first name] died" in Google search:
LaVerna L. McGREW, 89, Kansas City, Kan., formerly of Tamora, died